Help Me Meet My Mother

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It’s a funny thing to think that this woman, whom I’ve never met, is actually my mother.

But I’d love to meet her… and I’d like to have your help.  More info after the jump.

You see, I’m adopted.

Twice, actually (if you want to get all technical on me), but I’ll get to that later.

The first time was when I was but 11 months old. My mother had made some poor decisions at a very young age with another very young man.

There was little choice, she had to give us up for adoption.

(The above 2 lines were actually re-written… I realized that what I had wrote was extremely sensitive and emotional subject… and that I still have a lot of issues that are unresolved.  Prayer, perhaps, is the only remedy.)

Apparently she also remarried and had 2 other sons (2 half-brothers…!!! Can you imagine waking up and one day being told you have two more brothers…?)  Even though I do not know their names, I do know mine.

I carry, to this day, my original Korean last name “Lee” as my middle name: John Lee Saddington.  It was (or still is…?) Lee Joon Han.

But I’m not thankful just for the name (it’s a great one too, mind you) but I’m also thankful for her ability to make a choice that is, for all intents and purposes, one step down in difficulty from sending one’s own Son to die for filthy and undeserving people.

She gave me a shot at Adoption #2, or my Second Adoption, an opportunity to have a relationship with Jesus Christ and be adopted as a son of God.

Lee Sung Han and I were given new names and new parents.  Two loving parents that gave us everything.  They raised us “right” and helped us grow.

Our new parents watched us take our first steps.  They watched us as we went off to school for the first time.  They watched and nurtured and loved us through our many (and I say many) bad choices.  They took us to countless sporting events and watched us become world-class athletes.  They gave guidance and counsel when we we’re choosing our college majors and saw one become a computer 3l1te hax0r (programmer, for you non-techies) and the other a business process nut job that made far too much money too fast.  They saw us through all of our failed relationships and mentored us on the ones that worked.  They watched us both come to the saving faith of Jesus Christ (all those sunday school classes that they “forced” us to, at times, paid off!). They stood before an Almighty God when one of them left them to be joined to another in Marriage.  They were there during the dedication ceremony of their first grand daughter. They were there there to see both find value and joy in taking their faith journey’s farther, and seeing them graduate seminary (one with 3 degrees and one still struggling)! They were there when one left an insanely lucrative fortune 50 job as an executive for full time ministry. And they will be there when the other (finally) gets married next year.

All of these things, crucial and poignant moments of time for myself and my brother, were witnessed and shared with our new parents.

But our first ones, our biological, never heard a single word.

That is, until, Peter began the “hunt” nearly 8 years ago.  Through various un-ending paperwork, trial and error, a butt load of prayer and a touch of luck he had managed to find her, and through a translator was able to communicate to her life-saving words of redemption.

He told her that we forgave her.  He told her that we loved her.

And to think that the very people that she threw away would be the ones that love her the most.  It’s Holy Spirit-driven, a God-initiated movement, and a Savior’s enabled possibility.

But for all the communique that occured, and all the communication back and forth, it still lacks one thing, the opportunity to give her a big whopping hug.

But God provides, right?

Through no action on my part (and I wasn’t even aware this program existed!) I’ve been given a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to have a “all expenses paid” trip back to Korea to visit her.  The OKF (Overseas Koreans Foundation) with G.O.A.L. (Global Oversees Adoptees’ Link) has chosen my brother and I to be a part of a group that will have the chance to meet their birth mothers.  44 fellow adoptees will join us on this trek around the globe, affectionately called “The First Trip Home”.

Not only have they offered to finance the large portion of the traveling and hotel stay, they have been able to “open” all the adoption case files for those chosen participants.  This is often extremely difficult.

But not every expense is covered.

And that’s where I’m humbly asking for your help, in two ways:

Prayer

This may quite possibly be the most emotional experience of my life, save my extremely emotional marriage ceremony and salvation episode.

I’d love you to become a prayer partner with me and my brother as we prepare to travel and meet my mother, and especially for the big day.  Pray for safe travels, and that fear and anxiety would not beat us down.

Financial Support

I’m in need of approximately $500 to $800 dollars to cover additional expenses for the trip.  This is almost nothing compared to when I had to raise $20,000+ for a Campus Crusade mission to Bosnia back in ’03… but I also had months and months to raise it.

I’ve got only 17 days.

Flight’s out on the 5th of December and I’ll be there for a week, flying back on the 14th of December.

Call me crazy, but in Faith, we’ve already said that we’d go and my amazingly graceful team @ North Point Ministries has given me the green light to go, even despite the crazy number of project launches coming up (HEART me some NPM!).

And, if I raise more than the required amount listed above, the excess will be donated to a family who’s trying to pay for adoption (adoptions these days can cost close to $20,000 dollars).

So, please, prayerfully consider it and check out the donation widget on the right sidebar.

And feel free to blog about it, tweet it up, pass it along… This could be epic.

Oh, and don’t worry, I’ll be blogging and (hopefully) vlogging the entire trip.  Stay tuned.


Human3rror Goes to Korea – Needs Your Help! from John on Vimeo.

105 thoughts on “Help Me Meet My Mother”

  1. Wow. What an incredible journey you are on. I am the mom of a little girl adopted from China, so I can relate to your story on many different levels. You (and your family at home too) will be in my prayers. I look forward to reading more posts about this journey.

  4. Fantastic post John!! What an honor to be counted among your supporters. He sets the solitary in families – trough you, your mom's gonna inherit far more than she could ever dream. We are with you on your once-in-a-lifetime journey.

  7. This is awesome! I have to admit, for the first time when trying to leave a comment on your blog, I am speechless.

    I cannot imagine the feelings you are going through, but thanks for such an open and heart-felt letter to all of us. Keep us posted brother and I look forward to see what God has in store through this whole process.

  9. Thank you for your post, and we will be praying for your family. Can't wait to read about the time spent with your mother.

  10. I am always available for prayers, but rarely feel motivated to come off of the cash for complete strangers. This, my friend, is one of those rare occasions. I can't wait to witness the journey.

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  30. Wow! Thanks for sharing from your heart. I'm excited to hear about this opportunity for you and your brother. I will definitely be praying…and spreading the word!

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  43. Hey John, I came across your blog through Ragamuffin Soul's blog. I'm a Korean-American, born and raised in the States, so looking at your childhood pictures and the picture of your birth mother are familiar to me (I recognize a Korean face, na mean??). I just wanted to say that I think it's awesome that you will be meeting your birth mother and taking this step of faith to do so. God is a God of restoration and reconciliation so I pray that you and your brother would experience this through your trip. Blessings!
    Oh! And remember to eat some good Korean food, man. Korean BBQ rocks.

  45. An amazing story. Thank you so much for sharing it with us. As the adoptive mom of two amazing little ones, I pray that I can shepherd them as your parents guided you. You are in my prayers.

  47. Congrats my friend…. Thanks so much for giving us the opportunity to help you and share this grand adventure! God is Good and so amazing! You are in my prayers! (Shockleysgirl < Twitter)

  48. Hey man – just saw your tweet and read this post. Wow. I had no idea all this was in motion for you. I will definitely be praying for you and support you on this journey. God speed brother. May God use this to draw you closer to him and bring more glory to his name.

  49. Dude, I'm in. You got the prayers of my family and we'll pull something together for the donate button.

  50. Dude, I'm in. You got the prayers of my family and we'll pull something together for the donate button. (Hit the daggum return key too soon)

  51. hey. found your post…we're adopting from ethiopia and as a social worker, I've helped facilitate birth family reunions.. i'm happy to help…wish i could donate more. have a WONDERFUL trip. ad remember…just breathe!

  52. John, My wife and I adopted a wonderful baby boy from South Korea 4 years ago. I worry the most about his feelings of being unwanted in the beginning, sort of like you have written about. I was wondering if you could email me or post about what I, as an adopting parent, can do to help with these feelings. Me and my wife were married 10 years and found out we couldn't have kids. We both loved kids so much that adoption was a fact for us. Now, I can't imagine life without Lincoln. It is hard for me to even remember before him, he means so much to us! Like I said before, I just worry about how he is going to feel later in life. Right now all he cares about is Wii, but I know the time will come when he starts to notice he doesn't look like us. Matter of Fact he is starting to ask those questions now. I would really like to hear from someone that has been through it. I am the Assistant Pastor of The Vertical Church in Yuma, AZ. you can email me anytime at danny@theverticalchurch.com. I will be praying for you and your trip, and can't wait to hear how it goes.

  56. i will definitely eat some good food and get fat for you julia! :) i hope to gain a few pounds… gotta make it last, right?

    thanks for your thoughts and prayers!

  58. thanks annie! my parents weren't perfect, but the God they worshipped was and still is. the only way to parent… :)

    if i were to give you any advice is to never let up on the "I love you's"… it never gets old.

  63. where do you goto seminary? i'm a 3rd year at DTS… trying to get by as well, so I KNOW the feeling!

    thanks so much for your support. you rock.

  64. thanks emily, and i'm glad i could provide some encouragement. you know, he may or may not want to see his bmom, but he'll work that out in time. I've bounced between the two sides, and still am not sure, but that's ok. I'm alright with being uncertain… that's the faith that you talk about!

  66. ah, such practical advice… i remember i almost passed out once i was so nervous in grade school before a play. so, yes… i will!

    excited to hear about your adoption..! that should be awesome! how close are you?

  67. Danny,

    Some great thoughts here. Some things to consider:

    First, understand that your son will struggle. period. although i'm sure you "knew" this when you started the process, were briefed on it, etc. it doesn't really since in until it starts happening. Second, with this understanding, that it will occur, you can stop worrying about it today. What that can, and will do, is free up your time to concentrate on the things that you can control: being a loving father, supporting mother, and never stop saying "I love you". One of the advantages (and this is huge) that you have is that you have Jesus Christ. THE deciding factor in my ability to reconcile with my own personal biological adoption was to reconcile my adoption with my heavenly father. It's so important to me that this is something, most likely, that i'm going to concentrate on for my dissertation: adoptive theology. Imagine this: My ability to understand, grasp, and believe that a Father I could not see loved me helped me understand, love, and embrace the fact that my physical adoptive father did as well. This was groundbreaking. As a believer, you can do the same. invest, invite, share the biblical narrative, focus on the unseen, and the Holy Spirit will do the rest.

    We can certainly chat more and that would be awesome. I'm here as a resource for you and love to help others with their adoptive children. it's an amazing thing that you've decided to do and God has a special place in His heart for the widows and the orphans.

  68. wow. You will be in our prayers. My brother is adopted from Korea. From a sibling's point of view, I can see the value in this trip for you and your brother! Be blessed and enjoy the opportunity!

  69. My husband and I are adopting from Liberia. One of our biggest hopes for our son is that he one day has the opportunity to visit his birthmother. Reading your story gives me faith that it is possible for that to happen. Our prayers are with you and your brother.

  70. I just happened upon your blog and your post about meeting your "first" mother. I am waiting (3 years so far) to bring home my first child from China. What a gift! This is an incredible opportunity you have been given, one my future daughter will probably never have. Wish I could donate more. Best of luck to you on this journey.

  71. wow, that's a long wait…! what organization are you going through? you never know what the future holds… but we have to take one step at a time. when's the "expected" ETA?

  72. I am using Children's Hope International. When I started my paperwork, the wait was 9-12 months. The wait is now at 33 months and expected to keep growing. I was on a waiting list for a year prior to beginning the paperchase. If trends continue, I have at least another year or two. Yes, you read right – another year or more! The dream of holding my daughter in my arms is the only thing that keeps me sane these days! But IT WILL HAPPEN!

  73. Hey John. I don't know you or Carlos but was on ragamuffin soul and viewed your posted video. I'm not adopted by know some folks who are and the ups and downs they have dealing with not knowing their birth parents. So, for them and you, though I'm a broke seminary student, I'll def. chip in from my pocket and with prayers. I found some money on the ground in a parking lot earlier this week (a nice little amount too!) but could not find who it belonged to so, I'd be glad to pass it to you and your brother. I look forward to seeing videos about the trip a few weeks from now…PEACE!!!

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  78. John
    I'm an adoptee as well. Adopetd at birth and I don't know who my birth mother is. I do relate to some of the emotions you are feeling. I'll be praying for you as you jorney to the land of your birth to honor your birth mother. Thanks for allowing me to participate with you by praying and giving. I hope the blogging community continues to blow you away with their support. I'll be watching for updates as you visit Korea.

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  80. Hey Buddy… didn't know that you carry such a pain all the time. I surely can't say that, I understand that what you may be going through while writing this article. However, I'm with you for this one for sure in both ways.

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  83. No prob on the support man. I go to Garrett-Evangelical Theological Seminary (near Chicago, IL).

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  92. joonhan!
    egads. def praying for you brother.
    i hope the trip goes smoothly and i'll be praying for God to just work in you guys.
    ps: your daughter looks just like you when u were little :)

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  101. My cousins adopted a baby boy from Korea and their lives are so full of joy and I know in the future he'll want to know who his real mother is. I and it looks like many others support you all. God bless in Korea….

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  104. God bless, John. So glad you were able to go. I've thought of adopting a child in the future myself. And to think that through Christ, we are adopted into God's big family. Super big mental trip. I'm sure you learned a lot about yourself and God in the process.
    Cheers.

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