Monthly Archives: May 2004


caveat: random thoughts here.  a display of insanity most appropriate for a most inappropriate time.  which, is now. my brain!  insanity plea please!


It’s been fifty-eleven days,
umm-teen hours…

man, i’ve never heard those words in a song before.  genius.

nasal passages are all clogged up.  i feel like poo.  i might need need surgery.  whoopie!

i’m growing out my hair.  i’ve thought of a couple ideas myself…  have any?  i was thinking about cornrows…

i dislike very much databases, especially when you have to create them yourself.

my sister is graduating highschool saturday.  ahhhhhh $*^%!

some people are still very immature.  like people who like to lick other people…

dude.  tech is hecka boring during the summer.  save me!

i think these two pictures are funnie:



the java language isn’t that bad.  when i think about it, i think of coffee.  here are some recent java programs i made:


see those wonderful beans at work.  applets are so much fun!  (not).

road trip this weekend.  destination?  home.  what fun!

who knows where this is from? and who it is about?  if you get it, you get a cookie.


He above the rest
In shape and gesture proudly eminent
Stood like a tower; his form had yet not lost
All her original brightness, nor appeared
Less than archangel ruined, and th’ excess
Of glory obscured: as when the sun new risen
Looks through the horizontal misty air
Shorn of his beams; or from behind the moon
In dim eclipse disastrous twilight sheds
On half the nations; and with fear of change
Perplexes monarchs.

and the question i ask you, is why, oh why, does this bring out notions and ideas of eternity and infinity?  a sublime description?  for what! say who? and why, oh God, why?

… those wierd romantics…  sheesh.  what is a romantic anyways…  burke, you punk.  you gave me this sinus infection!


60 years ago.  D-day.  the greatest invasion in history.  are there echoes of that noble struggle in iraq…?  AHH my infection!  … *whimper*

and, where does this come from? and who is it about? if you get it, you get milk with your cookie.


The other shape,
If shape it might be called that shape had none
Distinguisable, in member, joint, or limb;
Or substance might be called that shadow seemed;
For each seemed either; black he stood as night;
Fierce as ten furies; terrible as hell;
And shook a deadly dart.  What seemed his head
The likeness of a kingly crown had on.
In this description all is dark, uncertain, confused, terrible, and sublime to the last degree.


and, again!  why, is it sublime……TELL ME!…………….EMILBUS!  oh, hatred darkest dusty death of stank arena most foul in my nasal passages.  why!?  judgment now!  upon my sinuses! begone! ack!

i’ve gone mad.

i’m reading the book of judges now.  want to know about a patient of God?  see judges and read.  what ddong faces those israelites were sometimes… just like me!

ah man.  i’m upset.  cause, yeah.  i was supposed to have a conference call today but he never called.  ah dagg yo…. 

i wanna be a boondock saint.  gangsta!  wrecking righteousness.  …. if my sinuses would clear up.

petakun’s at… uh… what’s it called… montreat.  kcpc praise band is going there, right?

i watched shrek 2.  man, i haven’t laughed that much in a very long time.  you should go see it.

also, i’ve made up a new word.  instead of calling people the not-so-nice-name ‘shekki,’ i will instead call them ‘shrekki,’ after shrek.  so, i am implying that you are like a shrek, green, large, and comically absurd.  i’m still trying to come up with one for fiona…  actually, i did know a ‘fiona,’ but that was her aim screenname and she was kinda, well, lost sometimes.  she walked funnie too.  but, i think i had a mad crush on her back in the day, cause she was pretty, even though she was a catholic.  OUCHHHHHHHHHHH!  MY SINUS!  my apologies.  that was just a joke.  sorry God…

some girl in korea asks some good questions.  but, she give long long long long long long long long replies.  i think she has contributed to my sinus infection.

todd is godly mista pimp.  don’t ask me why, he just is.

i have accepted a contract job doing webdevel again.  curses!

i’m implusive sometimes.

i have a thinking rod, which is a physics metal rod which i rub my neck with when i’m in a contemplative mood. i can poke things with it too.

i think i’ll have a popsicle.


… where’s bearbearjr!


Baby Bird


I found one that seemed healthy walking around on the ground.  I took it home and fed it.  It’s sleeping now,
but, I’m not sure what to do with it… or how to take care of it.  

I think it’s going to die.


I Die Every Day


I die every day.

And not only I, but many a fellow brother and sister die by my side in glorious combat for our Lord.  Paul knew this, as he states in 1st Cor 15:31.  But not only did he know of it, he actually did it.  Spiritually, of course.

I have only begun to understand ‘mortification.’  My brother knows much more about it.  For goodness sake, to take away the cross that is upon him, he would have to die, to bleed to death for the sake of his Love for Christ.  And I’m talking literally too.  Our Christian brothers and sisters of old started that tradition in the god-forsaken lands of disbelief.  Ahh.  What fine imagery.

And, for what cause?  Why?  We were given a command, even in the beginning, to ‘rule.’  Genesis 1:28 suggests this.  We were made in God’s image.  We were made to rule over his creation.  The Hebrew scholar Robert Alter has found that ‘rule’ means ‘a fierce exercise of mastery.’  It goes without saying.  We’re gonna have to fight for it.  It’s gonna cost blood.

And all for the sake of 6 wonderfully Divine words:  “Well done, good and faithful servant.” (Matt 25:21)  Ah.  The cost.  I don’t nearly count the cost, as Billy Graham would demand.

But, something I have discovered, if by response or consequence (but not nearly in the pattern of a linear progression) is that dying does, indeed, happen everyday.  A little rejoicing is in order.  “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.”  (Phillipians 1:21)  It hurts.  Surely, it does.  To die to oneself.  To die for the sake of a little more Love, or at least a better understanding of that Love.  It happens often with me.  Some people simply demand it from me.  Some people show me that I have to.  Some people do nothing directly and are simply vehicles for bringing about enlightenment upon this lively topic.  And others, like Sue, well…  I just have to, cause I make a lot of mistakes.

“Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.”  (Ephesians 4:26)

I had happened to be upset.  Not at her, but, at myself.  Cause pride is poopy and makes me a ‘ddong face.’  I’d rather, like a true man’s man, run.  But, the Lord speaks in mighty, mighty ways.  He told me, when I had finally consented to let God speak to my hardened heart, that this was war.  He told me that the consequence and inevitable end was that someone would be left bleeding and dead upon the cold surface of the battlefield between righteousness and something much less than righteousness.  He reminded me that it was a war of the spiritual nature.  That between the demonic forces of hell and that of the Divine heavenly armies.  I was reminded, again, that I was a soldier.  The battlefield, and the prize, was my heart.  My most formidable opponent?  Myself.  Or, at least, I had so naively supposed was my direct opponent.

A house divided, as they say.  And, thus, I called upon the Lord God Almighty, which, I might add, in Hebrew means ‘the God of angel armies.’  Just think about that, as I digress.  Whenever you say that, you are making mention to the fact, that warfare is upon us.  That there is a raging battle happening as you sit there and read these words, quietly in the supposed safety of your dorm room, apartment, or house.  I feel like we’ve been had. 

Anywho, it was the Father of Lies who I was battling with.  Submission to the Father, and a little godly obstinance from Sue, helped restore whatever sanity I had left and begin to face the demons that lie before me.  I couldn’t let the !$@*#$ have a foothold!  No!  No apostasy from me!  No renunciatioin of religious faith or abandonment of loyalty!  I gave that loser the spiritual finger, and asked for heavenly forgiveness from God and from Sue.

And, so, as a triumphant responsive act of redemption by Sue, she skillfully utilized Macromedia’s Fireworks MX Studio to paint me this lovely picture of my headstone to my grave, or future one, God be praised I live that long.


But, it was truth.  I had spiritually died, and at once was resurrected as I had been done many times before, for the sake of Love and for God’s victory over my ddong-covered heart.

A.W. Tozer wrote:
            So, it becomes the devil’s business to keep the Christian’s spirit imprisoned.  He knows that the believing and justified Christian has been raised  up out of the grave of his sins and trespasses.  From that point on, Satan works that much harder to keep us bound and gagged, actually imprisoned in our own grave clothes.  He knows that if we continue in this kind of bondage we are not much better off than when we were spiritually dead.

I didn’t want to be spiritually dead.  But, heck, that kind of bondange, anger and rudeness, had essentially acted as the depletive and destructive force in our relationship for but an instant.  It was truly a battle.  It made sense.  We are at war.  And man, it’s kinda cool.

And what, then, can I boast in?  If anything?  Not myself, for that matter, but what God has done.  And, as a response, as all things go, as God glorifies Himself through man, it brings joy, and especially for me, affirmation, that I am truly a son of God: Neither a child, nor a man, but the all-in-one and encompassing title, not contingent upon age or time, nor experience.  It was the affirmation that I have, if but a small reflection now, of God’s Glory within me.

William Gurnall once said that “It is the image of God reflected in you that so enrages hell; it is this at which the demons hurl their mightiest weapons.”

And their weapons are fierce, but definitely not strong enough to overcome one of God’s soldiers. 

Anyways, I died.  And was resurrected.  But as a testament to the experience, Sue created the above creation, as mentioned before.

The ‘Bear Bear’ is just for fun…  but, truth be told, I am a Bear Bear.  Just ask BearBearJr.

Oh.  And, I see that not many people attempted to guess the answer to my riddle in the last entry.  That’s ok.  If you get it right, I’d buy you dinner.  No joke.

Here’s an updated clue:

me x2
na x2
me x3

[kr, li, ch, an, kr] … my brain hurts.


crazy monkey.

Can you guess what these represent?…  Again.

Crazy Monkey


m x2
n x2
m x3

[k, l, c, a, k] … my brain hurts.


crazy monkey.

Can you guess what these represent?