I changed the song and the background just because… I was in that kinda mood. This song is one of my favorites. There is a fairly long story behind it, but, I guess that can be saved for another time. But, in anycase, I was thinking that I really need to start back at the beginning, the basics per-se. Just go back and learn how to Love again. And not just any lovey-dovey BS, but, true Love, Love that comes only from the Lord our God. I just need to learn that kind of Love again, that kind of Passion, that kind of excitement in Love that just lifts you to your feet and make you wanna dance until you pass out… and do it some more, cause you know God wants your all. I need to remember how to Love myself, to trust myself into His safekeeping, and humble myself before Him as His servant. God, I need to learn to Love the person I am not and Love the person that I was. You have opened many doors to me Lord. I have yet to understand everything that I am, and in many instances, I still don’t know of some of the doors that must undeniably exist. God, help me. Help me… I need to learn and grow to Love others as God does His children, that faithful, infinite, and powerful Love that just pushes the heart out farther than the eye can see. God, why does it hurt sometimes to Love others that we don’t particularly like? Or, God, why, oh why does it hurt sometimes to Love the ones we want to Love, only knowing that You have not called us to that kind of Love yet? Such trickery of the heart, or, nah, its all the mind. The heart is true… The heart is true. And, besides, my heart is spoken for, in this life and the next. And, finally, Lord, how do I love You? Love You, my Savior? What can I do? I know now that it’s not just some emotional swelling of kinetic energy in my little brain, or synapses pounding electrons across my cortex… it can’t be… I know it’s not, it’s more than that. God, I thought I had it down, I thought I knew, I thought I had learned that truth. I thought I had finally understood… Haha. I hear someone laughing… You know, the most interesting thing ever is the incredible paradox or contradiction, of our walks with the Lord. As we walk toward Him, we get a little bit closer, see the Light a little brighter, and the mere taste of His Love gets stronger… but, as we do so, we are, well, ‘enlightened’ perhaps, about how weak our own walks actually are, and we realize that we are farther than we had imagined. It is an old spin off the block of ‘ignorance is bliss’ kind of deal, but, this kind of ignorance is more than fatal, it’ll cost me eternity. But, its the Love I’m after Lord. It’s the Love… It’s the Love that is the Light at the End. It’s the Love that tastes so sweet to my lips. It’s the Love that my walk is oriented upon, and God, my God, what have I yet to learn about Love? Am I walking the right path? I know it’s not something I can find in a book. I’ve tried. And, yeah, I’ll still keep trying because, I… am… a… foolish… mortal… C.S. Lewis’ “The Four Loves” is coming up next. Does Lewis hold the secret? I doubt it. Haha. He’s brilliant, but, let’s face it. He doesn’t hold the key to the heart. Tim, you got it down, right? Teach me man! … Actually, No. Lord, teach me! You, my God! Teach me Love! Teach me this certain mystery. God, my God. It is so great. And man, I want it so bad… I thirst for it. God, I’m so thirsty. Fill me up Lord. I’m just waiting. And, I’m sort of getting impatient, but, that’s ok. Cause, all in Your Time. That, I do trust. Your Plan.
And, anyways, that’s what I’m after. The Love. God, my God, that’s all I want. God I need it! … Please. … And, as I depart for a couple months away in Bosnia, I ask that you lend me your prayers that I may learn to Love. I think we all need to learn to love. Actually, I will downright blatantly state a fact… We don’t know Love like we should know Love. The Love that God would like us to know. And, how could we…? If our Love was as faithful and as genuine and as real and as truthful and as passionate and as living as the Love that our Lord shows and provides… man, can you imagine what the world would be like… No more of, well, besides broken hearts, no more of a lot of things… … probably a little shy of Heaven… ne? Anyways, Love Love Love Love. It’s the Ultimate Weapon of choice, and, I think, the one that I’ll equip myself with and try to wield as masterfully, or as ineptly, as I can as I travel to Bosnia and witness to the Sarajevo college students.
So, I’ll see you guys around. It’ll be awhile till the next time I post something here. Pray not for me soley, but for the many others that are going on missions this summer. My brother Todd, the biblical stud, and my sister Su, who’s, well, not a ‘biblical stud’, but, perhaps, the female equivalent.
Thanks in advance, and I’ll see you guys on the other side.