Destiny is for Losers

Gossip Girl FTW…?

I’m not sure what you believe about “destiny” but I have found it to be quite useless when it comes to building pretty much anything, which includes products and startups.

The future will be exactly what we build for it so it’s time to get moving. If you’re standing still then you’ll inherit someone else’s reality; most of us will do just that without even knowing the wiser.

If you’re okay with that then go on and continue as-is; you won’t notice anything different. But, if that rubs you wrong at some place deep then you know that you must do something about it.

I personally wonder if I’ll ever stop wanting to course-correct the future and/or be in control of it. I’m not saying that my particular perspective is all that healthy but I will admit that I’ve been trying to create my own so-called destiny for a long time.

I can remember the feeling of agony as I watched the minutes tick by on a literal clock as things got closer to “clock out time” when I felt like I could pack my things up and leave without the anxiety of leaving too early.

office-lights-of-death

I was 15 at the time working for one of the largest companies on the planet. My cubicle sat on the 2nd floor and there wasn’t a single window on the entire floor as the organization that I was a part of sat in one of the more internal areas – just a series of overhead phosphorescent lights that threatened to burn holes into the back of my brain.

It wasn’t that the challenge that I was given to do wasn’t large and engaging; it was. But it wasn’t a challenge that I had come up with for myself and I honestly didn’t care about working on an international ecommerce gateway system for Latin America and Europe.

I didn’t know how to describe the feeling but as I revisit old blog posts from that time I can distinctly remember feeling underutilized and all of the surrounding emotions that came with that sentiment.

I was wasting a lot of time. I was wasting their time as they didn’t give me enough to do (and money since they were paying me quite well). I was attempting to make up for the lost time by working on my own side projects and redesigning for the 100th time my own personal homepage.

My life was disappearing fast and there’s notion worse than wasting one’s life and then realizing that you actually are. A overwhelming sense of my mortality hit me in those early days and I realized that I needed to get busy living and do something with myself. I wasn’t sure what it was but it wasn’t that.

Avoiding the title of a “loser” wasn’t the explicit goal nor intent – I just wanted to exist. And I’m still learning what that really means.