He Did Not Waver

Well, it’s been awhile I guess since I last posted something up on this thing.  My apologies.  Things have been going really well lately. 

The Lord is working His plan out for me in quite some remarkable ways.  I just hope and pray that we all just maintain focus.  Focus on Him, and Him alone.  He is working in our lives constantly, every second of every single hour of every single day.  We just fail to realize it sometimes.  During this break, this Christmas break, I just pray that we don’t succumb to laziness and boredom.  I pray that we continue to fight complacency.  We are addicted to spiritual complacency.  It’s so easy to lose that battle.  Coming back from an awesome retreat, it seems almost unthinkable that I’d fall so fast out of that passion, but, it’s happened before.  God, that passion should never die.  It should stay constant.  In fact, it should simply increase.  Our paths and walks with God should never stop.  They should be slowly advancing, steadily, in His direction.  God, I just pray that my fellow brothers are strong during this winter break.  Stay strong.  Stay convicted of the things that we have shared.  Stay positive and focused.  The battle is hard, and long, but, it is a battle worth winning, not just for the final end, but every single day.  Do everything you can to be righteous.  Everything.  The small things brothers.  It’s the small things.  I was driving today on I-85, and, for one of the first times in my life, I was doing the speed-limit on a highway.  When that sign says 70… by all means, go 70 mph, but, when it says 55, and it did for a while, go 55 mph.  Man.  I got some bad looks from people passing me, but, hey, it’s God’s will for us to be in the right.

“Obey the law of the land in which you live.”

That means following the rules.  Simple, ne?  Saying it is so much easier than succesfully putting it into action…  If we can’t even obey some simple rules that the government passes, then how in the world are we going to obey the 10 commandments…?  Or the things that God has called us to do?  Yeah.  You know what that means as well…?  No downloaded mp3’s.  Yeah.  That’s right.  One of the things that the government doesn’t want us doing is downloading music without paying for it.  If any of you know me personally, you know I really really really like music.  I carry it everywhere, and listen to it everywhere.  Therein lies the big problem.  I have about 2000 songs in my IPOD.  About 95% of them are illegally downloaded.  So, how in the world am I to be righteous when I am constantly sinning?  *aish…  This is so difficult for me…  I’m really proud of some of my brothers cause they have deleted all their illegally downloaded music mp3’s.  That’s strength.  These guys are truly godly men though, biblical men.  I just have to stay focused.  Why is this so difficult for me.  I’m so babo sometimes.  I can go the freakin’ speed limit, which, for a lot of people is so hard to do, but, I can’t even delete some music that I’ve blatantly downloaded without paying.  Okok.  I’ll get this done.  My brothers will keep me accountable and in line.  Thank God for them.  *sigh*  God, just keep me focused on You.  I truly desire to please You Lord, and, the small things that will make me more righteous in Your eyes is all that I should care about.  It’s the small things.  And, besides, a sin is a sin.  Murdering someone is a sin in His eyes as much as lying to someone.  Sin is not scalable, there are no varying degrees.  And, on the flip-side, thank goodness, is Love.  His Love is inscalable as well, and He will Love us regardless and is so powerful.  God, just continue to love us and look beyond our sin.  Look into our souls and our hearts and You will see the man or woman that You want us to be.  It’s just hiding.  It’s just in recluse.  It takes a lot for that man or woman to show.  But, with conviction and dedication and commitment, it will immerge, and it will be victorious.  I know that.  God, make me and my fellow brothers and sisters convicted to be more biblical and godly in Your eyes.  We truly desire to be perfect in Your eyes.  It’s so hard sometimes.  We fall, but You’ll pick us up.  That I know.  God.  It’s hard sometimes…  But, it’s possible.  And with awesome brothers and sisters to lean on and seek advice from and inspire me, I can’t see any reason not to be motivated to overcome my shortcomings.  God, I’m so thankful for the people that You have placed in my life.  These people are so awesome.  Their love for You is so real.  I don’t even have to talk to them.  I can just stand there and look at them and, thru their actions, see faith and love pour out of them.  God, I wonder if they truly know how much they have helped me.  I am so thankful for all my sisters and brothers.  You have placed them in my life for a reason. You have not wasted my time with them.  From every single one I have learned something and grown from it.  I just need to open hearted and open minded to the reasons that You have put them in my path.  Help me not be stubborn or arrogant.  Help me be humble.  I have so much to learn.  So much to grow.  I am not nearly as complete as I’d like to be.  But, Your disciples are helping me Lord.  They are sharpening me to a fine fine point.  I pray, Father, that I may be of the same device and tool in their lives as well.  May I speak Your word with truth and conviction.  May I do things for Your glory and not mine.  May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart and mind and my actions be of truth and grounded thru Love and Love alone.  Love for You and You alone.  Thru Love, all things are possible, for You are Love.  Love Lord.  It is all I desire from You and from my brothers and sisters.  Make me unconditional in my love for them.  Help me hate and despise their sin but love the sinner, who are as much of vehicles of Your word as I am.  Help them hate and despise my sin, but forgive me as the sinner.  I pray that You will give them strength to continually rebuke me and correct me when I do wrong, and then restore me gently and with Love.  I pray that I may do the same, and have the conviction to come forward and, thru love, help direct them back to the path that You would love to have them travel.  Lord, let us stay focused on You.  Thru that, we will get closer to each other as a product of our intent and journey.  Let not our earthly motivations guide us.  Let not our sinful ways blind us and direct our actions.  I pray that everything we do is for You Lord.  Everything is grounded in our Love for You and that our actions are solely based about glorifying You and realizing Your plan for us, as individuals as as one body of Christ Jesus.  God, it is Your plan.  Not ours.  Not ours.  Not ours.  God, how many times do I have to tell myself that…?  I have no control Lord.  You are in control.  I am at Your mercy.  Everything that I am is from You.  I am nothing without You.  I have nothing that was gained thru my own actions or thoughts.  Everything that I have I have because of You.  Every person in my life, every possession I own, every opportunity that I can seize, every foundation in my life, the air I breathe, the sun that shines on my face on a bright day, the food I consume, the monetary backing that I have, everything, is from You, and from You alone.  You have blessed me with so much.  What do I have to call my own without You?  Nothing.  Without You, all this would never happen.  Your plan for me has brought me these things.  What can I possibly give You in return Lord?  What?  Lord, Father!  Am I faithful enough…?  Do I love You with all my heart…?  Do I do everything for You instead of my own earthly desires and personal reasons?  Do I speak Your word with conviction and without contradiction nor hypocrisy?  Do I Lord?  I pray everyday that I do.  That I am a shining vehicle of Your word.  That You equip me with Your holy armor and send me into this world ready for battle against all things that are not in accordance to You and Your word.  Make me ready.  Lord, Father…!  What do I have to give You, the greatest thing?  God, I try!  I can believe that I would lay down my life for You, but, when the time comes, will I?  God, Father, Lord!  Please.  I am a sinner Lord.  Never stop loving me Lord.  Never stop loving my brothers and sisters in their attempt to continue to grow in You.  God, I see such love.  I see them as awesome examples and warriors that carry Your banner so high above their heads.  I pray, make me strong Lord.  Make me as willing to go that next step for Your will.  God, You are so worth it.  I owe You everything.  I cannot possibly thank You enough.  I cannot possibly give You everything back.  I’m willing to try.  I am so ready and willing to try.  God, it is all I desire.  To just close that gap that has been created between You and Man.  Sin is that gap Lord.  Sin.  The less I fall short, the more righteous I become, the smaller that gap becomes.  When the time comes, I just pray that that gap is small enough for me to take that final leap of faith into Your arms.  If it is too large, I’ll never make it Lord.  God, I don’t wanna fall that way.  Let me fall now.  Let me be tested and tried, and fail now.  Break me Lord.  Let me fall now, so that when the true time comes, I may be prepared and not falter when You call me.  That I can successfully navigate that chasm that has been outstretched before me now.  It is so big and deep right now.  I can make it smaller.  God, I can make it smaller.  With Your help I can do it.  With the help and fellowship of brothers and sisters that You’ve given me to help me, I can do it.  And with my own love for You and my own conviction, I can do it.  Lord, Father…!  Hear my prayer!  I know You have.  I know that You will answer my prayers.  Your promise’s to us are always kept.  Romans 4:20.  Abraham believed it.  He was told by You that You would give him a son, even though he was incapable at the age of 100 and his wife being barren. 

“Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what He had promised.”                   ~ Romans 4:20-21

Man, that is so cool.  He wasn’t discouraged at all.  In fact, he was encouraged and strengthened!  God, may I continue to be strengthened because of Your promises.  May I continue to hold Faith, Hope, and Love close to my heart.  May I never become discouraged.  What do we have to be sad about?  What do we have to worry about?  What do we have to be fearful about?  Lord, You hold us in the palm of Your hands.  Everything is You Lord.  Knowing this, why should we ever be fearful, unhopeful, or lost?  Lord.  The end of this great tapestry of a story is You.  Lord, You are the Alpha and Omega.  The beginning and the End.  Why should we fear what lies in between?  You are the End.  You are what we will see.  Everything in this world is of little importance.  Nothing else should ever matter.  You, God.  My God.  You are my number one priority.  God, I pray that I may stay focused.  Nothing else should ever take Your place in my heart.  God, You truly have opened my eyes in the past couple days.  The retreat, again, was a blessing.  You had it planned from the very beginning to go there and hear those words and be with those awesome brothers and sisters.  Their influence, inspiration, instruction, and guidance is undeniable, and I just wanna throw a shoutout to all of them.  I love you all as brothers and sisters in Christ.  You guys couldn’t possibly understand how much you’ve helped me become a better disciple.  I can only hope and pray that I may do the same for you and together we can sharpen each other together and maintain focus on the One and Only.  May our friendships never die.  May the love that we hold in our hearts for each other continue to burn bright, and thru that, may our walks with God be steady and true.  Thanks to all you guys for your love and support.  You have forever changed me.  To that end, I have everything to owe you guys and my Lord.  Thank You God.  All this was from You.  Bless us Lord.  Bless us.  You are the light of the world Lord.  May you continue to shine as brightly in our lives until the very end.  I know You will.  And, that, is one awesome promise.  Everyone have a great Christmas break and New Year.  It’ll be a while till I’ll have internet connection I believe.  Until then, think 2003 babeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!


{p} on 2/24/03