At some point every couple has that specific conversation around the number of children they would like to have. Sometimes (hopefully) this conversation starts when the two are dating or courting and other times this conversation happens early in their new marriage.
Both partners bring with them a history and a context of what a “nuclear” family is. For instance, my wife is the oldest of 2 having a nuclear family of 4 while I am the oldest of 5 and requesting 7 seats at a restaurant was the norm.
I had always had the itch to have a large family as well but I wasn’t entirely sure of the reason why. Perhaps it was because I came from a large family or because I simply enjoyed not getting all the attention or because my mother had 10 people in her direct family. I’m still not sure what the reason was but I had imagined that I’d have a handful of kids of my own.
Yet over the last 9 years my wife and I have pleasantly discovered that two children is pretty much as far as we humanly can go in terms of our sanity. We love our children unconditionally (in very different ways, mind you) and as they have continued to grow we’ve chatted about whether or not we’d have more.
For a long time I thought we’d adopt – in fact, we started this process a couple times only to find ourselves expecting (and then not expecting). It took time to recover from one of the miscarriages and then we reached full-term with our second.
That “second” is fast-closing in on her 4th birthday and in the past several months we’ve had a number of conversations about #3. We even joked about how the pattern seems to be that if we start the adoption process we’ll end up getting pregnant again since God seems to have established that cadence (that would be incredibly fun and at the same time disconcerting…).
But we came to the conclusion that our beautiful two are more than enough for us and that we’re at peace with having settled our nuclear state with the four of us total.
It’s a bit odd to think that we’ve “finalized” our family but that’s really where we are today. Of course, if anything “magical” happens then we’d fully accept it with open arms but as far as we can tell and as far as our part is concerned we’re done our “multiplication” efforts here on earth.
It feels good to land the proverbial plane in this area of our lives; and it certainly isn’t a small one at that.