I Love You Forever

So, I have a confession to make… … … here we go.

deep breath.

I feel angry, all the time. Or rather, I have the sense that there’s something literally boiling underneath the surface at all times. Sometimes, it literally feels as if my skin is boiling, everywhere, all over my body.

What I’ve come to realize, with the help of my spouse and best friend, is that there are a few traumatic experiences from my past that I’ve never quite processed, or even begun to process in any way, shape, or form.

Many of these events have left deep, deep wounds and scars that haven’t been given adequate treatment and time — some of these events have been so traumatic in their nature that I have real and unattended PTSD.

And because I haven’t been able to deal with them effectively, the downstream effects are scary — really, really scary at times.

I need to deal with these issues, full stop. I have come to realize that I am not the person that I want to be and some mornings I don’t even recognize the person staring back at me in the mirror. Sometimes I even detest the man that I see.

I hate feeling this way. I hate feeling this way, all the time. It’s pretty clear that I need more help than I have previously wanted to admit.

I need help. I needed help way before I had this mental breakdown.

Consequently, I raised the White Flag a few weeks ago and my wife and I decided that it would be best if I spent time away from the family and to submit myself into the care of medical professionals.

I’m so grateful for my family, my friends, my team, and the real community that I have in the #yeniverse. Without them, I’m not sure I’d be here.

The time away from my kids can be absolutely crippling at times, but, they deserve a better version of myself than the one that I’ve been presenting them for far too long.

My promise to them as I walked out the door was this:

I promise to come back a better and healthier version of myself. I love you forever.

Because, I do.

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