More Uncertainty

As confident as I may look in on High School Senior year book picture I remember doing my very best to mask all the anxiety that I had about the future. I can now look squarely in this boy’s eyes and admit that I was scared $#!7less.

I had determined that I would head to a school that did not even support one of my undying passions and force myself to head down a path that would ultimately turn a love and recreation into a full-time vocation – this didn’t excite me.

I did not know that that would happen at the time – all I knew was that I was headed into a world of great unknown and felt pretty embarrassed that everyone else appeared to be confident and composed about their impending future.

The funny thing is that although I’ve “graduated” a number of times since then I’ve never graduated from the feeling of uncertainty at every single step of the way. Every decision has been laced with an undercurrent of the unknown and I don’t believe I have any better idea about where I want to go and who I want to be than when that picture was first taken.

I’m just a decade and change older, weathered, and have more to responsibility with more to lose. The odds are getting bigger and the stakes higher. More often than nought I want to fold under the pressure, choose the road more traveled, and only experience risk when trying something new at a well-worn restaurant.

Bleh. I hated High School.