Never Did Get Back

Well, I never did get back to that last journal entry.  Right now, it’s about 9 in the morning here, still in Barb’s house, and I suppose were about to head out soon.  Last night was really neat.  After eating, Jessica taught me how to play guitar!  Well, start out at least.  I have never seriously thought about playing it, but, after the retreat, and seeing so many people play it, I was inspired, to say the least. So, what did I do?  I went online and printed out a copy of the tabs for “Famous One”.  Oh man, so cool.  I can play the entire song now, slowly, veeeeeeeeeeeeeeery slowly, but, I know all the cords to play for it.  Neato!  Jessica is so good at it now.  Amazing.  I can’t believe that she’s been playing it everynight and I haven’t been there to hear her play and sing.  Jessica and I played, sang, and practiced for a while and mammy commented that she’s never heard me sing that much aloud in her entire life.  I believe it too.  I’ve never sung aloud at all in front of anyone of my family.  I just thought of it as a private thing, but, for the Lord, somethings shouldn’t be keep quiet.  I do all these things for my Lord.  My motivation to sing aloud, my motivation to learn to play the guitar, all because I wish to praise Him more.  The only songs that I wanna learn initially will be praise songs because those are mad good.  It’s great that I can do something truly physical that is motivated soley for the love of my Lord.  What fun.  Who ever said praising the Lord was boring or uninteresting or not for everyone…?  Haha… Probably me back in the day.  Oh well.  Maturity is supreme.  So, that was good, I got to play with Jessica and sing with her.  Such a great sister I have.  Thank the Lord for her and having her in my life.  After that, I retired to my little study and got online and dropped a line on xanga.  Actually, it was a rather big one, just declaring some things about what was going on in my life.  It may start out as fairly informal, but it always gets so personal and I end up talking to God one on one on it.  Oh well.  If people wanna read it, its up to them.  I don’t think thats too personal.  I talked about mp3’s and driving the speed limit.  What fun.  I talked to Brandi for awhile.  Told her that I loved her.  That I loved her as a sister in Christ and because she will always be there for me.  I told her I knew that and that I just wanted to thank her for helping me grow and get me closer to the Lord.  What a great thing You have done Father.  I never thought it would happen the way it has happened, but, again, who is to question the way You do things in our lives…?  I can’t.  I shouldn’t.  But, sometimes I do.  I will rest in You.  Leave it up to You Lord.  tAnUkI was doing well.  God, I love her.  Miso called me, but I was kinda busy, I’ll call her tonight.  I talked with Su for a bit as well.  She had a good time of discovery and her eyes were opened at the retreat as well as mine to the ways that the Lord works in her life and the plan He has for her.  She is going to work on her portfolio for art schools this break.  I wish her well.  I will miss her greatly if she decides to switch schools.  It’s not like I see her that much on campus, but, her presence on campus…  It is felt.  May You watch over her Lord and bless her with good fortune in everything she does.  She truly loves You Lord.  That, I have no doubt.  She is one awesome beacon of Your light.  What she has done for me is invaluable.  Thank You so much for Su, God.  Thank You so much.  I pray that I will be around still to see her be successful wherever she goes and see that her dreams are achieved and that the plan You have for her is being carried out.  It’s going to be an awesome ride.  I know that You’ll challenge her and test her, but, she is so strong Lord.  She is so strong.  Break her Lord.  Break her.  Have her rely on everything from You.  She still holds onto things and doesn’t completly come to terms with Your plan for her.  Break her.  Make her realize that she has no control.  That the plan she has for herself, the plan that her parents would like her to follow, may not be the one that You have for her.  Give her strength.  Grant her courage to follow Your plan.  Grant her wisdom and faith.  Lord, she has such a great start.  May she never falter in her love for You.  Bless her Lord.  Bless her.  So, I talked with her for a bit.  Not too long.  She was busy reading over an essay for her sister, a college entrance essay on Korean/US relations about war I guess.  What an interesting topic.  May You bless Su’s sister as well Lord.  Have her be courageous in all her endeavors and seek You with all her heart.  She is close to embarking on her new journey to college as well as many others out there.  Have them sift out all the sin in their lives and prepare themselves for You Lord.  College is such a breeding ground for sin.  I know the Evil One rejoices in college campus’s around the world.  There, he can wield mighty power over all of us and just let us fall to sin every single day.  May the one’s with strength rise and greet the darkness with a powerful stroke of Your word and help guide others to You.  May I be able to do that for the people that I get to know at college.  For their own sake, for their lives Lord!  Have not Satan be victorious over college campus’s.  What we do in college solidifies who we are in our later lives.  I truly believe that faith is gained in college or can be completely forgotten.  You know, I am thinking of a quote from Maximus from “Gladiator” the movie.  He was standing in front of his men and before he was about to lead them into a bloody battle, he said: “What we do in life, echoes an eternity.”  Truly.  Truly.  What we do now, prepares us for our eternity with the Lord, or without the Lord.  There is no in-between.  Choose your side.  For everyone, I think, we’d wanna spend it with the Lord.  People, do you realize that it takes strength and commitment?  How many of us are just nominal Christians?  I was for a long time.  I was for the most of my life.  Where was I headed Lord?  Where were You back then?  I know You were there.  Why couldn’t I open my eyes to You?  How many tragedies could I have escaped, how many mistakes would never have happened, if I had just been focused on You…?  How much heartache could have been prevented, how many difficulties could I have traversed successfully without failure…?  God, Your plan.  Your plan.  It was Your plan for me to go thru it like this.  I have no doubt.  It would have been nice if I had come to my senses earlier, but, this is the way that You wanted it to be.  I have no doubt.  And, that just helps me understand how others’ paths will be as well.  Lord, Your plan for them is so different from mine.  Let me not become impatient or angry because they are not as far as I’d like them to be.  Lord, help me realize that I have so much growing to do as well, and to become prideful in my walk with You is sinful.  Help me realize that Your plan will come to fruition regardless of what I do or do not do.  Your Will will be done.  It is written in the cards.  You have it all.  Lord, just, let me focus on my own walk with You, and thru that, may I help others, by example and action.  May my words speak Your truth and not wrong.  May I be the most humblest of servants Lord.  May my walk with You never end.  Help me Lord.  Help me.  Help me not be ignorant of Your plan for others and the plan that You have for me.  Have me become the most patient of servants of Your word.  Help me Lord.  I cannot do this without You Lord.  Father, I know You will help me.  I know that You will use others around me to help me.  I know that experience will teach me.  Actions will guide me.  Lord, the way You teach me sometimes is kinda cooky, but, it always works.  May it continue to be an interesting journey.  It should.  :)  It’s gonna be fun.  *sigh*  Lets see… Right now, Father and I are the only ones not sleeping.  He’s driving, I’m journaling.  But, I do feel kinda dizzy and tired.  Doh.  Today promises to be a grueling drive.  I’ll probably have to drive for a bit.  That’s gonna suck.  Oh well.  *ack, my hands are cramped.  Never knew that guitar was so hard on the wrists and strenuous.  Jess had calouses on her fingers.  Neat.  I want some.  I’m going to have to buy myself a crappy guitar and practice.  That should be good.  :)  We’ll see what happens.  MY goal for this break is to read some more of “Spirit of the Disciplines” and learn that entire song by heart on the guitar, and, uh, be just a light of Your word to my family and others.  Thanks God.  I’m gonna take a break from journaling and either take a nap or read.  We’ll be driving for like 8 hours today.  This is gonna stink…

2:14 PM

Still driving.  How fun.  We’re about to stop by Annapolis for Jessica to check it out.  I’m not sure how I’d feel if she were to head off to West Point or Annapolis.  Navy, army, airforce, whatever.  She can do whatever she wants, I just want her to be happy in whatever she does.  *ack.  I dunno what I wanna write about…  lets see…  Well, I think I’ll just play some spider solitaire…  Peace.