I Don’t Need Another

A few nights ago I awoke to the sound of my garage door opening.

Not a big deal… except that it was at 2:30 in the morning.

Someone had broken into our car, grabbed the garage door opener, and used it in an attempt to review if there was anything else worth pilfering.

Without thinking, I got out of bed without my glasses, opened the door, and found myself face-to-face with the intruder. I’m not entirely sure how long we stared at each other, but, at some point he decided to briskly exit my garage and briskly walk down the street.

I, not in my right mind, decided to follow him, without shoes and, again, without glasses. I’m not entirely sure why I decided to do this.

Half-way down the block I stopped and I walked back into my home and reality began to sink in as my mind started racing about all that could have transpired, starting with the absolute worst possibilities.

I didn’t sleep at all that night.

The next morning I began to assess the damage and the items stolen which wasn’t too bad – a bunch of smaller electronics, my expensive dashcam for the car, and an even more expensive pair of prescription sunglasses that my wife loved.

But the real cost, after a few days since, has been the emotional and psychological stress that has been plaguing me. Even at this moment of writing and penning this post, which is 1:00am in the morning, I still cannot sleep and I’m beginning to believe I have a form of PTSD:

PTSD is a disorder that develops in some people who have experienced a shocking, scary, or dangerous event. … People who have PTSD may feel stressed or frightened even when they are not in danger.

This is exactly how I feel.

I have lost trust in our home’s security. I have lost trust in my car’s security. I have lost trust in my neighborhood and street. I have lost trust in my town and city.

But perhaps more worrisome is the fact that I have lost trust in myself for doing the right thing, or rather, doing what I probably should have done in that encounter.

Even now, a million things are running through my head about the event and experience. I’d just like them to stop, if you please. I already have enough challenges with anxiety and mental illness… I don’t need another.