Quiet Enough

small-house

When was the last time you were able to escape for a time and ask yourself the really tough questions? When was the last time you found a break in your busy schedule to ponder the infinite? When was the last time you were able to fully appreciate all that has happened up until that very moment?

Last night I had that moment. As I sat on my porch as the sun gave it’s last light to the darkening world I breathed deeply and reflected on what has happened over the course of just the last 6 months.

It was almost too much to consider; too much to even believe. I think the right word for the moment was “awe.”

I have been running hard for a long, long time. More like a sprint on a marathon trail with no breaks and no water. Even this moment, although spontaneous, felt a bit contrived as if my body, mind, and spirit demanded that I sit for a moment and do absolutely nothing.

And it felt great. I watched the sun’s light disappear into a cool evening glow and I began asking the myself the questions that had been long overdue. I asked myself to consider where I was going, what I was doing, and why. I asked myself if what had happened in the first part of this year was everything I had wanted it to be or whether it was a whisper of what I had hoped would transpire.

I asked myself if I was being successful, experiencing satisfaction, and creating significance in my life and others. I answered honestly – too honestly perhaps, and I didn’t like the answers.

But I’m not sure if I ever have.

After I had reflected enough I cleared my mind and prayed. I wondered, as I have many, many times, if He was listening and He truly understood my concerns, my fears, my anxieties, as well as my hopes and dreams.

No reply. Typical. At least the guy is consistent (among many other things).

I knew what I needed to do next – I cleared out the rest of my container, watched the tobie exhaust itself, and walked inside to ask my bride the same questions I had just asked myself. She would know how to answer rightly; she always has.

Smiling, I walked inside and met a kindred smile in return. It was an incredibly pleasant evening; it was just quiet enough.