Self-Acceptance is Hard

I shared a week ago that I’m in a virtual book club, of sorts, and I managed to finish the book in a few days.

It took me a bit of time to try to put some thoughts together and I simply kept hitting mental roadblocks, for whatever reason.

Consequently, I decided to share a few stream of consciousness type of thoughts in our Group Chat:

I love our small community!

I thought I’d share these thoughts here – sorry about the grammar and punctuation!

i had thoughts of writing a blog post but i’ve opened my editor far too many times and nothing gets written… so, i know better not to try.

but, i wanted to be open to questions (if folks have them) and i may ask a few myself.

one of the things i learned a while ago was the reality that it may just take (a long…) time to really discover the thing that gives you a lot of personal joy and that also creates a lot of value for others.

i saw my dad do this, after 37 years in big enterprise, finally retire and then head to seminary and then become a hospice chaplain. he told me that he’s doing his greatest work.

i wrote this 9 years ago:

he told me himself: “i’m doing my greatest work.” and you can tell, he loves it.

i both admire that, envy it, and also somewhat detest the idea that it might take that long for me to “figure” it out.

when i was a bit younger i felt like i was always trying to “catch up” to some mythical archetype of what it meant to be “a good (fill in the blank)”… in some ways i still do. but, i’m much more relaxed and i’m starting to really love my zig-zag path of what some might call “a career”…

range, as i shared a bit on my vlog, gave me an increasing measure and permission to love myself a bit more. that’s a nice outcome i’d say!

self-acceptance is so hard, isnt’ it? i’ve struggled all of my life with this. i see it now with my oldest who’s just a few months from becoming a teenager…

i just want to “solve” her problems but i know it’ll be a life-long process for her… and my hope is that she has really amazing people around her that will love her through the tough times.

so, a lot of hugs will do.

range wasn’t a perfect book. not even close. his argumentation was consistently weak, even when he had good data!i think he needed a different editor…

but, the larger thesis was well-paced and provocative, especially in the more narrative parts. i think i might have gotten emotional once… or twice… … maybe more. shit. 

i didn’t devour it (which is my internal metric for “really fucking awesome book”)… so i knew by page 15 (or thereabouts) that i was going to have to ride it out.

appreciate the work and i have already recommended it to a few folks (without caveats!).

i don’t want to spoil something that doesn’t need to be spoiled. context is everything. so, that’s kind of why i thought a blog post wouldn’t be… a good idea.