Marriage is tough – it’s the toughest thing that I’ve ever done and apparently it’ll continue to be like that for as long as I live.
Oh well! What this means is that spending time making my marriage better is vitally important. Here are seven unfair fighting tactics that many use in their marriages – and you need to stop doing that!
These were taken during some of my marriage counseling courses that I took for my degree program:
- Universalizing – Making an unwarranted leap from a specific situation to a vast generalization using words like “always” and “never”
- Character Killing – Switching from issues fo the conflict to making a personal attack on you spouse. May include sarcasm for a more devastating effect.
- Cloud Covering – Making a vague foggy accusation instead of being detailed and specific about a complaint.
- Upping the Ante – Instead of responding to the hurt or anger of your spouse you play “tit for tat” by citing a worse case that’s been done to you.
- Scatter Bombing – Overwhelming your spouse with a barrage of faults and misdeeds that land all over the map. Dropping into a conversation a huge list of sins (usually unrelated) including everything and the kitchen sink.
- Moth Balling – Putting an old grievance in storage – for years or decades – and bringing it out at just the right time to hurt your spouse.
- Spitting in Your Soup – Using passive aggressive comments to lay the guilt on the other party. Often involves sarcasm.
I’m sure that you (like me) are guilty of some of this. Let’s make 2012 better by having a better marriage!