Stupid Breakthrus

Well, yesterday was a pretty interesting day. 

Project: XANGA

Got up, had only two classes, and just sat around waiting for kym to pick me up and take me to her self-help groupie kinda thing downtown.  Very interesting.  And, very emotional i suppose.  I didn’t get out as much as i would have liked, but i guess, i wasn’t really looking that hard in the first place.  I would have done it, this program, awhile back, when i was really feeling shitty, but now, i dunno.  I’m reserved and i’m just fine the way i am right now.  I dont need any stupid ‘breakthru’s’ i dun think…. just keep life going and going and going.  Kym got a lot out of it, and I know she needed it.  I can see how it affected her life and all… But mine, is a completely different story.  We went over with Wendi, and I hadn’t met her before.  A very interesting character, and well, i suppose she’s pretty kyoot too.  But, she needed to go because she was having a lot of boi problems, what else is new…?  All girls have guy problems, and those that don’t… hell, they’ll get them some day, and will need to goto some self-help bullshit… haha.  It was very interesting spending time with her.  A very open and emotional person, but very confused… in a very peculiar way.  I know she’ll be able to get thru it.  Infatuation gets us all, it just takes some of us longer to get over it than others…  I’ll be here for her.  But, I’m sure she doesn’t even know…  which is fine.  I’m just a figure out there, waiting… some people notice, but not many.  Which is fine i suppose.  Their loss, right? …  I dunno.  I find myself standing by the wayside so often.  I’m the world’s greatest observer.  Like the world is a little diorama, or toy, and I’m just there looking at all of it…  At the end of this thing, we headed back and they dropped me off at the student center… It was like 11 oclock at night.  I was supposed to go b-boyin that night, but of course, they’re no where to be found.  just my luck, right…?  So i head back, with wendi’s phone number written on my hand and i just get to talking to Him.  I always find myself doing that.  He’s the shit, ill tell you.  I can bitch and bitch and bitch, and he doesn’t mind.  I don’t think…  And I guess i just went off on Him, and why i have all this shit in front of my face, and all these so-called problems…  Dreams shattered so quickly.  I dunno.  It’s all just a big game i think, yet im always end up sitting on the damn bench, never getting to contribute my piece because of stupid ass circumstances.  Disappointment around every turn, and ever corner. And yet, He seems to throw something else into the mix, totally rearranging my perspective and aim…  I dunno why You have to mess things up yo…?  haha. like it was in order in the first place.  I must’ve said ‘phuck’ about a thousand times on the way back from the student center.  i was just so pissed.   at myself, about my situation, my own personal drama and all, and i couldn’t see myself going to sleep that night.  ahhhhh…  i got back, and decided to call wendi, and we talked.  that was good.  just calmed me down.   and then, i just needed sleep.  so interesting how a good nights sleep can seem to lift away all your troubles…  I woke up this morning not feeling so shitty.  Just fine.  nothing to worry about.  It doesn’t really matter what i learned last night, what happened, and what im faced with.  What’s the point of worrying and bitching?  There is none.  Just move on.  I tried to meet with my psych1000 teacher, cause im a TL, a team leader for these new freshman.  Haha, me, a mentor… get real, right?  I’ll bring a whole new perspective to these freshman.. i dunno if they’ll wanna stay after im thru with them… muuuuuuuuuuuuuuahahahhahaha…. ok. evil.  we’ll see.  hopefully ill get a PL job.  this guy wants to leave… lets hope so.  Japanese is fun. i discovered that… well, i knew that.  Doug got into the class, so at least i have one person i know.  Met benny today.  I’ve seen her around school, but never really met her.  very nice, and she’s in my japanese class too.. ooooooooh. what fun.  psychology, met another girl ive seen around.  yoko.  very shy and quiet.  commutes to school everyday, and she changed from being an architecture major to being a psychology major.  very interesting…  what else happened today…  went to the library, saw the really badass setup they have going on in there… nice ass computers, and for the multimedia section…… awwwwwwww…. so good.  double lcd flatpanels with liek 1600×1400 res… *ack!  i need some… so expensive…  i could see mx and photoshop on two different screens side by side… that is so dope…  yah, im a phucking nerd.  i haven’t danced in awhile, and i desparately need to… i have so much i wanna be doing, but i just wanna dance…. just dance.  i can totally release when i dance.  just be whoever i wanna be, and not give a phuck who cares.  self-sufficiency has got me this far, so maybe itll go the stretch…  gotta study japanese today, get my cs lab over with and hit the gym.  and do whatever i feel like doing… yah.  i have so much freetime right now… i dunno what to do with it.  it’ll dimish as the year goes by, but it seems to all have appeared all of a sudden… i almost am not sure what to do with myself… its good though… maybe just having a positive attitude will open my life up… its working i suppose.  can’t wait to get started on my little side project… although, its gonna be mad hard, and i dun even know how im gonna do it.  I bought a nice ass 90 dollar tripod for my digital to help get me started, but i guess we’ll go from there.  what i need is like a 10 thousand dollar oscilating camera so i can import to quicktime… but, i don’t have that kinda chedda… shizit.  anyway, im out.  gotta practice some japanese… word.