How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?
Charismatic: Only one. Hands already in the air.
Pentecostal: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the
spirit of darkness.
Presbyterian: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
Catholic: None. Candles only.
Baptist: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, three committees to
approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.
Episcopalian: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks,
and one to talk about how much better the old bulb was.
Mormon: Five. One man to change the bulb and four wives to tell him how
to do it.
Methodist: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or
completely burned out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip
bulb, or tulip bulb. Church-wide lighting service is planned for Sunday.
Bring the bulb of your choice and a covered dish.
Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review
church guide on lighting policy.
Lutheran: None. Lutherans don’t believe in change.
Church of Christ: They do not use light bulbs because there is no
evidence of their use in the New Testament.
Unitarian: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or
against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you
have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited
to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your bulb for next
Sunday’s service, during which we will explore a number of light bulb
traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life,
and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
Amish: What’s a light bulb?